I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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