you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
