thus making me awesome and them whores
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Hippo gnu deer
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
