i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
