you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Sex in the backyard? Check.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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