i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
