At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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