I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I think I just sharted jello shots
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