apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
