This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
