i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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