He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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