My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I wish I only lived at night.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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