good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
