are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Randomize
