Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
At least life still wants to fuck me.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
