So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
