She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
