I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
