How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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