every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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