thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
