I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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