i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
you traded sex for a burrito?
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Randomize
