Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
