i jhust puked up my retainher.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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