I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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