that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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