wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
