i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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