Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
