The maid of honor just puked.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
