Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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