How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
