he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Randomize
