My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
high people should be assigned attendants
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
