The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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