did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I came so hard my ears popped.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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