you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
