take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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