how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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