when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
