omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
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