He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
