ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
