drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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