Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Randomize
