My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
