When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
