Pappa wants mamma naked
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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