I didn't shave. On purpose
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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