Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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