I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
