i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Randomize
