Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
My boob is missing a layer of skin
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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