I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
